The One and Only,  a Death Note Crack Fic
by Muse Decends
Summary: Oh noes, Chibi has been left home by herself. What is she gonna do with a psychotic detective and a very odd shinigami. For Chibi for her birthday!


Author's Notes: So, this is complete CRACK. This has everything to do with nothing and nothing to do with everything. I got an idea to do this because I have a friend who's birthday is this month. I asked her what her favorite character was and she gave me a list. Two out of three I knew, but it's hard for me to write about Predators seeing as I have not fully researched them. Eheh. HAVE FUN WITH L!!!

L and Death Note is copyright of Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata. I do not ownz....

**Warnings: Complete and Utter CRACK, - mild drug references, slight reference to guy on guy.**

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**The One and Only**

Chibi sat in her room, bored once again with her games. This time she was searching for cute and funny videos on youtube of L, the one and only superb detective. She sighed as she didn't find anything new. Boredom was setting in, this was utter crap. She flopped back on her bed and stared up at her ceiling. She was just drifting off when she heard someone beside her. Her natural instincts kicked in and she flung her fist out beside her, effectively hitting someone's chest.

Chibi was surprised by the quite masculine 'oomph' coming from beside her. She sat up and turned her head to look at who was in her room.

"Why were you staring at the ceiling, there's nothing really interesting up there," L said as he rubbed the spot that Chibi had hit. Her eyes went wide. L leaned down and stuck his face close to hers. "Is there something wrong with you?" he asked in all seriousness. She meekly nodded, not bothering to move her face back from his. There had to be something so completely wrong with her if she was seeing L, of all people in her bedroom. That and she was stupid to not have jumped him (XD). She managed to keep her hormones under control and move back from him a little.

"Uh, what, why are you in my room?" Chibi asked him, trying to keep herself sane, well, as sane as she had been before this whole L showing up in her room ordeal. L smiled, and man did it look creepy. He continued to smile and ignore her question entirely. He hoped up on her bed and grabbed her laptop with his thumb and pointer finger. He moved it into his lap and just, took over. He looked at one of the internet tabs she had open. He went through several different 'ICANHAZCHEEZEBURGER?' cat photos and grinned again. _Creepy!_ He turned his (creepy) grinning face slowly to Chibi and stared at her for a second.

"ICANHAZSHUGARZNOA?" he yelled rather loudly in her ear. Chibi freaked and ran out of her room. She never guessed that L could be that scary. She let out a small groan as she realized that she was home alone. Damn her family and going somewhere she didn't want to go at a time like this. Chibi turned back to face the door leading to her room. L was leaning heavily on the jam nibbling on a powdered doughnut. Chibi's eyebrow raised and she wondered for a second, where the heck did he get the doughnut? She shook her head and looked back up to L. Now, he was licking the door frame. _What? _This was getting quite out of hand, even for her. She arched an eyebrow and decided to question him.

"Why are you licking my wall?" her tone came out slightly annoyed. He looked up at her and shrugged.

"I got powdered sugar on it," he replied before going back to licking the frame. Chibi sighed and went into her kitchen. For some reason she wanted something sweet. She looked at her pantry and her eyes widened. Where there used to be normal food, there was now masses of sugary goodness. There were doughnuts and chocolate bars, boxes and boxes of different sweet snacks and an actual four pound bag of sugar, pure sugar. L had followed her into the kitchen, apparently having got all of the powdered sugar off the wall and tore open the bag. He stuck one end of a straw into the pile that spilled out and the other into his nostril. He INHAILED the sugar then made a sound like a chipmunk. Chibi was beginning to get worried. She backed away slowly until she hit a wall so hard that a book fell and hit her on the head. She could swear she saw little Ryuk's dancing around her, or just one doing the disco. She laughed then groaned as her head started to ache. Even through the pain though, she could see the idea forming. Chibi smirked evilly and decided to act upon it.

She ran to her room and switched to her tab and searched to L yaoi. This was going to be good. She found a really detailed one and took her computer back with her to the dinning area. She set the laptop down and shouted at L, who was still snorting sugar. He looked up and wiped the white sugar residue from under his nose. Behind him Ryuk was still dancing, this time however, he was doing the Soulja Boi dance. Chibi laughed again and shook her head. She made L sit down in front of the computer and read. She watched as his eyes went wide.

What she didn't expect, however what when he pulled out a notebook and pen from nowhere and began writing down details. It was Chibi's turn for her eyes to go wide. _**No way. **_Out of nowhere, a book flew past her sight line and hit the opposite wall. Chibi dragged her eyes to look at Ryuk who was searching frantically for something in a large pile of books. What happened? Another book flew past her face and now she was getting annoyed. This had to stop.

She walked calmly up to Ryuk, tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned, she punched him in the face, which was difficult as he was so freakishly tall, but she did it. Ryuk just looked down at her.

"Quit messing up my house!" she yelled at him. He looked about ready to cry. His body twisted up and he hopped away. Chibi could just barely hear him muttering something about apples.

Chibi turned back to L to see him surfing the internet on her laptop once again. He sat with his face an inch from the screen, pecking with his index finger at the keyboard. She immediately went over to him and yanked it off the table. He was holding on to it as best as he could with four fingers, two on each hand and was looking at her with what looked to be a hurt expression.

His face changed instantly, his eyes going wider (if that's even possible....) and his mouth hanging open again. His lips formed the word, "MINE," as his voice took on a childish tone. Chibi glared at him, how dare he! Sure she liked him and all, but this was her house and this was HER laptop. She was going to fight for what was her's.

They began a tug of war battle with the laptop, for having only his thumbs and index fingers on the machinery, he sure was putting up a lot of fight. L got an evil gleam in his eyes, one worthy of Kira himself. Just as Chibi pulled her laptop back toward her with as much force as possible, he let go, making her hit herself with the computer. She fell back and blacked out.

Chibi woke with a start in her bed, her laptop off to her side. She went to wipe the sweat from her head only for find a half eaten apple in her hand.

_**END**_

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End Notes: So, it's been a while since I've written crack of this magnitude, so be gentle. This was meant as a birthday gift for Chibi, who's been a cool friend. It's being posted pretty much a week early because I couldn't help it!! Happy Birthday to Chibi!

AND THE CRACK MUST END HERE.


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